Thursday, July 12, 2012

Cheney and Romney to Reminisce at $30,000 Per Plate Dinner

GOOD NEWS, FANS OF IRONY. Today, two giants in the annals of American patriotism get together for dinner.

Dick Cheney, the man who never saw a country he didn’t want to bomb, even if it meant bombing the wrong country—the same man who dodged any chance to serve his country when he actually had one (five draft deferments)—hosts Mitt Romney, the “Mormon Mauler,” at a $30,000-a-plate fund raising dinner, at the Cheney home in Jackson, Wyoming.

No doubt, Mitt will be wearing the requisite flag-lapel pin to telegraph his unflinching patriotism. Maybe the “Mormon Mauler” will even talk to reporters about all the fighting he did for this country. On second thought—maybe not. He might want to stick to safer subjects. Like how trees in Michigan are just the right height. He certainly isn’t likely to bring up all his hidden bank accounts in Switzerland and the Cayman Islands, or agree to release his recent tax returns, either, although he swears he has nothing to hide.

Mitt loves this country. He talks about it all the time. He just didn’t want to fight for it, maybe muss up his perfect hair, or damage his rugged good looks. Mitt doesn’t want to pay taxes to support the U. S. government, either.

He just wants to lead it.

Perhaps you’ve forgotten what bold deeds Mitt performed while carrying the “Stars and Stripes” high overhead into battle?

Pretty much the same kind of heroism displayed by his new buddy, the tough-talking former VP. Mitt kind of checked out during the Vietnam War. Went to France as a Mormon missionary.

Didn’t have to dodge bullets there.

Might have dodged the occasional flying croissant, however—if religious discussion heated up. Could have been clubbed with a loaf of French bread. Bold deeds, Mr. Romney, bold deeds.

The Washington Post reports that Cheney, the man with no heart, and Romney, the man with no spine, have not had a close relationship heretofore. Perhaps that will be changing:
“Cheney has generally shied away from politicking and he remains controversial, in part because of his hawkish foreign policy stances, including his support for interrogation techniques like waterboarding.

“Still, Romney has embraced Cheney in the past. Last year, he told an Arizona town hall that Cheney’s ‘wisdom and judgment’ would provide a model for choosing his own vice president.”

So far, during his campaign, Romney has avoided the mere mention of George W. Bush by name. You might fondly remember Bush and Cheney, however.

Implemented huge tax cuts.

Promised the economy would boom as a result.

Got us into two fearfully expensive wars, one of them totally unnecessary. Put the entire cost on the national credit card.

Couldn’t find Osama for eight years, and tried to say it didn’t really matter.

Crashed the entire economy in 2008.

Yeah. You remember.

Perhaps Mitt and Dick will have a glass of very-expensive wine after dinner. You can imagine them reminiscing. Cheney and Romney, sharing war stories, getting misty-eyed, thinking about the quick passage of time. How they were young and virile and brave once, in the 60s, when both had the chance to serve. They might stop a moment to recall the 58,000 lives lost in those same years, all the patriotic young men who did serve, who did go, who did die in Southeast Asia, while they stayed clear of danger and went on with their sheltered lives.

Something like 6,000 more good young men and good young women have died bravely in Iraq and Afghanistan since 2003. Tens of thousands more have been badly wounded or maimed. Now GOP leaders tell us we have to bomb Iran and jump head first, without looking, into what is shaping up in Syrian as a complicated, bloody civil war.

You’d think “hawkish policy” might not be as popular as it was. You’d think Cheney and Romney might have learned something.

Well, it seems they have. They’ve learned not to worry. Put on a flag-lapel pin every morning. Talk tough when it comes to foreign affairs. You never had to serve in combat. Neither did your kids. So, send some other poor family’s son or daughter to carry out your wars instead.

Let’s offer these two heroes some how-to-beat-President Obama advice. It’s a photo op we’re suggesting, one that’s sure to resonate with voters. Let Cheney and Romney get together this November, a few days before the presidential election and lay a wreath at the Vietnam Memorial Wall.

What better way to remind us all what patriots they truly are.

"Teach us to distrust and despise those clamorous patriots
whose courage dwells but in the tongue." 
Washington Irving

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