Lying Scientists Claim to Have Proof of Dramatic Arctic Melting! Still Can't Find Obama Birth Certificate

OKAY, FAR RIGHT Fox News fans. Here's what you missed, while you were cleaning your guns and hunkering down for that U. N. invasion of Lubbock, Texas.

The tree huggers are up to their tricks again, what with their science and evidence and advanced college degrees and crap. Yep:  more lying scientists have gone on record today, warning about ominous new signs of global warning.

And where do we find these lying scientists doing their lying? Smack dab in the middle of the lying New York Times. Why, Bill O'Reilly was just talking last night with Bernie Goldberg about all the liberal lying that goes on in the Times. Bill is the man. And, boy, don't we miss Glenn Beck. He'd set those scientists straight.

Used to be a radio disc jockey, you know.

What are these green freaks up to now? Well, with two months still left in the melting season, satellite photos show that only 30% of the Arctic Ocean is covered in ice. Satellites! Photographs! NASA! How low can these "libertards" go? Noah's Ark. Sure. Glenn and Bill believe in that. But where does it mention melting Arctic ice in the Bible? Tell me that, left-wing Eco-Nazis. The polar ice caps may be melting at a record rate. But you will have to pry my cold, dead fingers off my assault rifle before I give up my Second Amendment right to shoot any polar bears heading south.

Well, here's what scientist claim. They say polar ice in the north has been reduced by 40% since 1979, when the first detailed photographs were taken. They say evidence points clearly to human activity and greenhouse gasses. Ignore those scientists. Let's hear what a great leader like Sarah Palin has to say:  "I can see Russia from here! I once read an entire book although it was filled with pictures. Drill, baby, drill!"

Stand up for the U. S. Constitution, patriots with teabags hanging from your hats! Tell Commie Obama, "You can take away my right to drive my Giant Land Roving Mark XII Escalade SUV when you pry my cold, dead fingers off the steering wheel." The Founding Fathers never mentioned global warming now did they?

Oh, yeah, big deal. According to the New York Times, scientists (a.k.a. "liars") predict a day is coming when the Arctic Ocean will be totally ice free in summers. More Eco-Nazi talk. The Times story goes on and on, letting scientists spew more of their stupid facts: “It’s hard even for people like me to believe, to see that climate change is actually doing what our worst fears dictated,” said Jennifer A. Francis, a Rutgers University scientist who studies the effect of sea ice on weather patterns. “It’s starting to give me chills, to tell you the truth.”

What does some college egghead with chills know? Don't you hate elitists with their knowledge and shit.

Todd Akin. Now there's my man. Knows the scoop about sperm and egg and rape.

Meanwhile, the Times absolutely spews falsehoods. Michael E. Mann, a climate scientist at Penn State, says climate-change risks are greater than even most scientists feared. Elitist. Tree hugger. If he's so smart, why doesn't he show us Obama's birth certificate?

Can't find it? That's what I thought.

Mann might explain to reporters:  “In this case, the models were almost certainly too conservative in the changes they were projecting, probably because of important missing physics.” But, we don't fall for his tricks. See what he says about conservatives!  He's saying we hate physics. Mann and his fancy terms:  like "Arctic amplification." He says it has something to do with less white snow and ice to reflect sunlight back into space. Says melting, itself, is causing an increase in melting. We're way ahead of Mr. Bigshot Science, though. We know polar bears don't care about louder music.

Dr. Francis--oh, big deal, a doctor--warns that changes in climate may already be altering weather patterns farther south, including the United States. "She has published research suggesting that air circulation patterns are being altered in a way that favors more extremes, like heat waves and droughts."

 

Drought? Ha. Not gonna happen.

 

When Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan take over we're going to win "The War on Christmas" (even if the holiday isn't as white as often as it was back in 1979). Mitt will stop global warming by offering tax cuts to billionaires. Ryan will save the planet by privatizing Medicare. If the ice sheet sitting on top of Greenland begins to melt, which scientists predict, even if we cared, even if that meant ocean levels might rise dramatically and force the abandonment of several Micronesian nations, we're going to be ready. We'll still have our guns and we'll stop those Pacific Islander refugees at the beach.

      

Walt Meier, a researcher at the National Snow Ice Data Center, a government-sponsored research center, might explain, “Parts of the Arctic have become like a giant Slushee this time of year.”

 

Well, we're way too smart to fall for that. Science. Government sponsored science isn't the solution. It's the problem. Drill, baby, drill!

And watch out for those U. N. boys, too.

 

Just because evidence shows the polar ice is disappearing,
that doesn't mean Fox News viewers have to believe it.